point being, this break has been almost as unexpectedly long as the title to any fall out boy song.
** before i continue with college stereotypes, i would like to note that these aren't intended to be demeaning or harmful in any way, nor is any stereotype based on any person in particular. like it or not, everyone is in some way inevitably associated with some sort of collective group of individuals. and sometimes you just need to laugh at yourself. if you take yourself too seriously, you might lose business and then have to merge with XM
The one upper: Don't try to have any sort of argument with this dude. Because no matter what, the one upper is always better than you. In everything. He knows more than you about politics, sports, and everything else there is worth knowing. A day does not go by without the one upper mentioning his 3.94 GPA, or the story about how his irrational professor once gave him a b+. His homepage is the new york times, even though he also gets the paper issue delivered. The one upper likes to read those books that people write on how to flirt with girls, and then uses what he reads at parties. At first the girl is intrigued, but then after realizing the guy is a walking textbook, she usually ditches him.
At the college dems debate, the one upper will agree with exactly what you say. however, he will proceed to talk right after you make your point, saying exactly what you said in different words just to prove he is better than everyone else. The one upper often laughs at things that aren't funny, and is generally not very funny himself. Eating dinner or lunch with the one upper is not a good idea. He will usually dominate the conversation with stories of how great he is, even going so far as to telling you how that R Kelly song is actually based on him. You generally won't be able to get more than a sentence in before the one upper takes his throne back. Eating with the one upper isn't all terrible though. If you are at a dining hall, he will come up with an ingeniously creative dish, because he HAS to make something better than you. The one upper will often wear scarves, even though it may not be too cold out.
The stoned philosophizer: The stoned philosophizer's favorite thing to do is smoke weed, watch an Alfred Hitchcock movie, and talk about 'how fucked up society is, man.' Because he smokes so much, weed actually acts on him as a mental stimulate. In the words of sp 'it really makes you think, man.' Because he has done most drugs known to mankind, the sp knows a lot more than you do about 'existentialism, man.' He also knows much more about having really really long hair. Naturally, the SP will major in philosophy, theology, sociology, or some really weird major that he made up himself.
Because the stoned philosophizer has experienced so much more than you, his life is much more enriching than yours. His 'holier than thou' attitude allows the sp to turn every social interaction into some sort of lesson about life. The sp is generally not good at sports. He may have played baseball back in the day, but it got in the way of his blazing time, so he had to give it up. The sp worships the beatles- he has every single song that they have ever done on his itunes library. In fact, his itunes library has more songs than Ashton Kutcher has twitter followers. Oddly enough though, he has no songs made after the year 1980. The only exception to this rule is MGMT. The SP reads a lot of books, but you have never heard of any of them. In his room back at home, SP's walls are covered with posters of Woodstock, as he would do ANYTHING to have experienced that. In fact, he actually did do ANYTHING to have experienced woodstock. He went there that time he was tripping on LSD. But in real life, he had to compensate by going to bonaroo.
song of the day: Hall and Oates- You make my dreams come true
*If you've never seen 500 days of summer, watch the clip with this song in it. its quite terrific.
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