In case you live in a cave far away from civilization, I have two articles of news for you:
1. UIS is probably your next door neighbor. Though they don't have a telephone. they only have this weird combination of wires that nobody has seen since 1842. if you wan't to contact them, leave a message after the beep. o wait a second, i don't think 'the beep' was invented yet'
2.Georgetown lost today.Boo-hoo.
Immediately following this travesty, I heard some raucous screaming outside the window of my lovely (and immaculately clean) apartment. It gave up a little something like this:
'Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck!'
(repeat phrase six more times. and yes, there were 52 u's in each scream. talk about buying vowels, that dude has gotta be broke)
Dedicated Hoya fan who is still probably hung over from the festivities of St. (i hate) FRATrick's day, heed the following message:
You'll recover.
From the loss, that is.
TEN REASONS WHY THE LOSS TO OHIO IS NOT EVEN AS CLOSE TO AS BAD AS THAT FRIED BURGER THING FROM LEO'S
1. You don't go to the university of ohio
2. Now you don't have to pretend to be a fan of college basketball.
-If you are a girl, you now have more time to look at handbags online and not buy them.
-If you are a guy, you now have time to check you stocks. And your facebook. And if the girl you like commented on your status that was directed towards her.
3. You don't have to play basketball at yates to 'get in the mood.' Which is a huge relief, because your basketball skills are more embarrassing than Jeff Foxworthy's mustache.
4. You don't have to refer to basketball players as if you know them personally. Well, at least until next year.
5. Hey baby (if you'll be my girl) was starting to get annoying
6. We have been saving up our good stuff points the last two seasons so that we can win a national championship next year. If you don't know what good stuff points are, shame on you. If you still don't know what good stuff points are, talk to your doctor about the risks of your continued existence.
just kidding.
7. you weren't watching the game anyway. you were on your blackberry.
8. You're bracket is probably still alive because since you go to Georgetown, you didn't pick them.
9. ohio doesnt have THE CORP! or THE CREDIT UNION! or NSO! or GAAP! or ANYTHING! AHH!!!
*though 10 dollars says their internet connection doesn't depend on media adapters
10. A case Natty light is still $13 at towne.
there is only one counter point to this nearly flawless argument:
Ohio has the Shaqtus. Georgetown can only 'talk about practice'
And lets be honest. we had a great season. we beat duke. everyone knows they are our biggest rival.
But seriously, we did have a great season. We squeezed some orange in the garden, exploded for a supernova against some weakling wildcats, and came a travel-luck chuck away from being crowned champions of this big thing called the east.
Assuming everyone comes back, next year is going to be a bigger party than that one the s club once had.
Here's the breakdown:
Chris Wright: his explosive speed and will to win will increase to dangerous levels during a senior year. so dangerous that the Hoyas will probably have to hire chester the cheetah to create one of those 'dangerously cheesy' meters
Austin Freeman: Gotta give him props for everything hes been through. He's a great player. and thats just the way it is. some things will never change.
Greg Monroe: Some analyst once told me that he passes really well for a big man. Only once, though.
-if Greg stays, it'd be hard to imagine us not in the top 5
Jason Clark: A huge improvement from last season. Look for him to get more aggressive in the lane. Against Uconn next year he'll probably explode for 40 points, going 8-9 from the trey line
Julian Vaughn: Terrific role player. Positions himself very well for a big man- he's always in the right place at the right time. Look for him to step up. like that movie with channing tatum.
Hollis Thompson: Hollis. He's so hot right now. Hollis*
-really came into his own late in the year. look for him to mature next year both offensively and defensively. he'll be a scary sixth man.
*watch zoolander
The Benimonster: He'll continue to play down and dirty. He's kind of like the silent bob of georgetown basketball. simply put, he gets the job done. very solid freshman campaign
Vee Sanford: Steadily gained confidence throughout the year. He'll develop into a very dependable player. kind of like the chevy malibu of college basketball. look for his minutes to increase next year.
Henry Sims: His personality is great for team chemistry. If he puts on some weight, he can turn into a lethal weapon. or even a lethal weapon 2.
Ryan Dougherty, Steven Stepka: Gotta credit the walk ons. They show tremendous heart every day, even if you don't see them on the court. People will continue to cheer them madly when they see the court. Props to you guys.
Nate Lubbick, Markel Starks: Look for these freshman to 'do something crazy'
Yea, we may have lost to rutgers. but they have frats. ew.
give it up for these guys.
also: though no one technically graduated, the loss marks the end of cheerleader Eric Cusimano's immaculate career. Eric will be honored further soon. Were gonna miss you, Eric.
coming soon to a theater near you: Why the cheesecake factory is a bigger disgrace than the movie 'Blades of Glory'
song of the day:
This is in honor of everyones favorite moose, Greg Monroe. we love you, greg
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