Wednesday, January 27, 2010

Wexican Food For Thought

I was walking to class today. By the way, it really sucks when its cold and you have to walk the class. Its kind of like going to dinner at a guests house. Even though their food is almost as disgusting as those dudes that sweat EVERYwhere they go, you have to eat the food. otherwise you are just an inconsiderate meanie.

Anyway, i am here to address a major problem in todays society. its called wexting. You've probably never heard of it, but theres no doubt in my mind you're an active contributor to the problem. I guarantee it. but just to clarify, im not that dude from mens warehouse

Wexting (V): the act of simultaneously walking and texting.
Other forms:
Wexter (n): a person engaged in the act of wexting, or a person who is notoriously known for his or her wexting habits
Wexted (Past tense)

Wextophile: A person clinically diagnosed with an addiction to wexting.

To learn more about this phenomenon, visit Wexter's Laboratory

**Not to be confused with drexting (Driving while texting)

So i was walking to class, and it was cold. and since im too cool to wear a winter jacket, it was even colder. but thats not the point. since i was on this kind of narrow pathway, i couldn't really do the good old skip move where i get to pass you because you are a slowpoke and haven't evolved into slowbro yet. like a 34 year old businessman who has been waiting for a promotion for 10 years, i was trapped behind the guy ahead of me. just couldn't move up. then out of nowhere, this clown directly ahead of me whips out his phone and starts wexting. because one of the many harmful side effects of wexting is reduced walking speed, this fool slowed down considerably from his established pace. Now, if this decrease in speed was gradual, i wouldn't be going all out about it. But the guy literally stopped as short as a driver who realizes at the last minute theres a stop sign.

it happened in an instant. I couldn't hit the brakes in time. and since there was nowhere to swerve, I crashed. like that bandicoot. but unlike that sweet playstation animal dude, my crash wasn't fun. in fact it was really painful, because the impact of the collision effectively swept my foot off the walking path, causing me to roll my ankle on the corner of the sidewalk and grass. to make a long story short, im on the 15 day dl. the fans are furious. its like steve bartman all over again.

Wexting is responsible for millions of minor injuries and immeasurable cases of tardiness per year.

The facts are clear. You wext, you lose. Be like Jesus. He walks.

Song of the day: Since you love the 90's, heres some solid 1999 action

She's so high: Tal Bachman

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