"a lot of times people don't really get what they deserve...... that's a good thing, i think for a lot of us. i mean if we all got what we really deserved we probably wouldn't have any friends or much of anything really. that's why it's such a big deal when someone decides to cut you some slack and forgive you for all the dumb stuff you've done to them. so i think that sort of just sums up what it really means to live life with people. you gotta decide if you care enough about other people to get over their mistakes and just accept them regardless of all the crap. so that's what being friends with someone really means i think. it's someone who can put up with you long enough to actually get to know each other. that's a bit of a depressing definition but it does make friends seem a little more special than just the people you hang out with from time to time, they're the people who accept you."
-Brooks Birdsall
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People hold grudges. Its an unfortunate fact of life. Well, not that unfortunate.
I've been thinking about this quote a lot lately, being that I feel like it really resonates with the whole mantra of early adulthood. In other words, this quote encapsulates the experience of what it means to grow up. Of what it means to mature. No longer am I just a kid, and life is a nightmare. Shying under the covers won't work anymore, because life doesn't have a Simple Plan.
I'm not really sure where I want to go with this, but I feel like there's some sort of line here that can't be crossed. Sometimes, you can't forgive. Not immediately, at least.
I understand that people fuck up. It's human nature. In fact, its a defining characteristic of who we are, and who we end up becoming. Failure fuels fire. Defeat fuels triumph. Look at Andy DuFresne.
However, there is a standard. Yes, a true friend will understand the shit you put them through, and, although they may not outwardly express it, they will accept you for who you are time and time again. But thats the problem. "Time and time again" shouldn't happen. Fucking up once is fine. But once you get that second strike on you, you're in a real hole. Maybe you could stay alive by fouling off some pitches, but its only a matter of time until you swing and miss. And in life, the umpire isn't always that forgiving.
Drama doesn't exist, actually. It is merely a concept constructed by two people who feel like a certain action by an individual has a direct emotional impact on them. Relationship drama only exists because you have intensely strong feelings towards your partner, positive or otherwise. If you didn't care, you would never talk about it. To each other, to your friends, or the random guy you meet in the bar. If you didn't care, a show as dumb as the secret life wouldn't exist.
By the way, that show shouldn't exist. I watched some of it the other day--it's an insult to script writers everywhere.
I don't want this to be a negative piece, but in many ways, it has to be. Otherwise, the light at the end of the tunnel would blow out, and then we would have to go buy flourescent bulbs. They may be better for the environment, but they sure as hell don't provide that old fire.
I guess what i'm trying to say is that everything in life is relative. Money wouldn't be worth anything if everyone in the world decided one day that they were going to use beanie babies as the new form of currency.* Without negatives, there are no positives
*I've been hoping for this for ages, as I would be a billionaire. Then I wouldn't have to listen to that awful Travis McCoy song.
I think what friendship, relationships, and life in general is all about is realizing our OWN mistakes. Sure, you could forgive other people for hurting you...but thats only half the battle. The other half lies in how you make THEM feel. Its easy to forgive someone for something they once did. Being that each and everyone of us its always right at all times, its sometimes really hard to look in the mirror, and realized that you've been a real dick. That they deserved better. That how you are acting is defining who you are to others, even if that person is the last thing you want to be.
Its easy to forgive yourself. Its not easy to sacrifice your pride.
In true friendships however, you have to sacrifice your pride. Because in true friendships, ego's don't exist. This is because in true friendships, both players play for the same team. Both players push each other to be the best they could possibly be, but also understand the limitations of their individual talents. Isolation plays aren't going to get the job done--you need a pick and roll.
The real challenge lies in moving forward with that person. I think forgiveness isn't about overcoming the past--its about overcoming the future. Whatever obstacles you and your friend, family member, or significant other may face down the road must be tackled successfully if forgiveness is to come full circle. You must recognize where you went wrong before, and prevent the same outcome at all costs. Because if you don't you're just back at square one. At that point, any past attempt to reconcile becomes utterly meaningless.
Its easy to forgive someone for something that already happened. Its not easy to forgive someone for something that will happen.
Trust is essential in any interpersonal endeavor. Losing faith in someone you once trusted is one of the most painful experiences that a human being can endure.
Having someone lose faith in you IS the most painful experience a human can endure.
Today may be is the first day of the rest of your life. But if you forget yesterday, what are you really living for?
Put a little faith in your neighbor. If he's not too busy playing Halo 4, he might catch it and throw it right back to you.
Don't forgive and move on. Don't forgive and forget.
Forgive and live. Together.
song of the day:
Leaving Town, Dexter Freebish
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GwgqflNYFu0
..that was amazing.
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