Thursday, July 8, 2010

Queen James

Nevermind, I have too much to say about this subject to let it go. Not speaking my mind about the abomination would be equivalent to that Tienamen Square dude not going out in front of all those tanks.

Ok, not that much. but close.

Tonight's events confirmed that LeBron James is the most narcissitic, egomaniacal individual on the planet.

Why everything about "The Decision" was decidedly a disgrace:

1. Cleveland, Ohio

It's one thing to leave your friends, family, hometown, struggling economy, and devoted fans in the dust. Its another thing to humiliate them on national television. By demanding an hour long special dictated entirely by himself, LeBron confirmed that he is not in fact the king--he is the drama queen.

By drawing all of this attention to himself, LeBron confirmed that his womanly essence of being manifests itself in a way of a shitty girlfriend. I totally understand why he broke up with Cleveland. It wasn't working out. If the relationship continued, it would have been toxic. However, he could have ended everything privately and respectfully, behind closed doors. It would have been painful, but it would have been heartfelt. It would have showed that he truly cared, and that he felt truly sorry about everything. Instead, he made sure everyone heard about how much Cleveland sucked. It was kind of like she broke up with the Cavs at a really crowded bar, slapped him in the face, and threw a drink all over his really nice shirt. Check, please?

Imagine Larry Bird doing this. Imagine Kobe doing this. Imagine anyone other than Chad Ochocinco doing this. It's impossible. Good thing this fool isn't sponsored by addidas; impossible is something.

2. LeBron has no LeBrand

LeBron prided himself on his image. On being a global superstar. On aspiring to be the best ever.

By joining Dwanye Wade, LeBron is joining someone else's team. This fact arguably makes him more of a Robin than a Batman. Even if LeBron wins a 10 championships in a row, his legacy will be a shared one.

He has compromised himself, and will not even be "the man" in his new city.

If he really wanted to promote his global LeBrand, something that his hour long publicity and advertising circus seemed to underscore, he should have stayed in Cleveland or went to New York. The aura of New York could have created a LeBrand unparalleled by anywhere else, and Cleveland would have helped him promote the "hometown hero" angle.

LeBron has a tattoo on his arm that says "Loyalty." Might want to get that one erased, big guy.

3. The NBA is once again a joke

Lets be real here. If LeBron had joined any other team not named Miami, he could have elevated the NBA into glory days. Since I am a biased knick fan, lets just hypothetically assume that he joined the Knicks.

LeBron and Amar'e vs. Wade and Bosh vs. Kobe and Gasol vs. Dwight Howard and Co. vs. Durant and Westbrook? The NBA would be even more exciting to watch than the new Twilight.

In the words of Miley Cyrus, this team can't be tamed. The season is over before it started. That's why we play the game? Pshh. Please.

4. Its the Climb

Its not always about getting there; its about HOW you get there. Any championship LeBron wins will have been done the easy way. He won't have to beat the best to be the best. Thus, his rings will be much less meaningful.

A perfect example of "if you can't beat them, join them." If that's not a cop out, then I'll wear a scarf in this heat.

5. The Media Circus

LeBron single-handedly destroyed ESPN's credibility and their ability to balance good old fashioned journalism and raw entertainment. The nerve of this guy. He has no respect for anyone but himself, and by providing a construct to make a simple decision more important than a presidential address. Shame on him.

And as for the Boys and Girls Club? Charity is nice, but he just as easily could have tweeted his decision and written them a check. It would have  saved himself a lot of embarrassment.


This entire thing was a complete disgrace to the sport of basketball, as it effectively turned the sport into an MTV reality TV show.

John Wooden is rolling in his grave.

Too bad Queen James won't be able to appreciate this song ever. It's quite good. And i'm definitely not embarassed to like it:


  1. when did this turn into Dan Gilbert's blog?

  2. Anthony LifrieriJuly 9, 2010 at 4:49 AM

    Lancey Lancey Lancey, you forget, ESPN Made this monster by devoting hours of coverage to him when he was a junior in HS. Besides, I don't think the Heat will win a championship for just the reason you said. It's Wade's team and LeBron is too selfish a ballplayer to live with that. Remember when the Lakers had Kobe, Shaq, Karl Malone, and Gary Payton for a year? Everyone thought they'd run the table and win it all without breaking a sweat, well they got beat in the finals by a better TEAM in the Detroit Pistons. If a betting website made a crazy heat vs. field bet for this season, I'd definitely take the field. And if Donny Walsh is half as smart as everyone gives him credit for, he's been on the phone for at least the last day trying to get Chris Paul and Carmelo Anthony for Eddie Curry, David Lee, and a ton of draft picks.