Tuesday, May 11, 2010

You Know You're A Hipster When....

Aside from Justin Bieber, the humanity's biggest threat these days is the hipster. So that we can sleep safely at night, uninterrupted by god-awful anti pop and progressively indie music, I have compiled the ultimate list to help us protest against hipsteria. That is, before they protest against us

‘While you’re at it, would you mind building me a fancy condo I don’t deserve?”Booger has “never heard a ke$ha song,” and thinks this is something to be proud of
[photo via kate b]

eeesh. And we haven't even got to humans yet.


  • Your jeans are tighter than your boxers
  • Your earrings are bigger than your girlfriends (guy hipster)
  • Your earrings are bigger than your boyfriends earrings that are bigger than yours (girl hipster)
  • You go to Urban Outfitters to buy a "Shakira," only to realize that its not an article of clothing
  • You wear argyle sweaters. over collared shirts. over argyle sweaters
  • You hate justin bieber, yet have the same exact hair as him
  • You loved the 80's and the 60's, but despise the 70's
  • You work at a run-down amusement park
  • When taking pictures, you NEVER look directly at the camera
  • When you go to the library, you spend more time smoking outside
  • You wear winter hats in the summer
  • You stopped smoking weed because everyone else does
  • You ride the subway for fun
Look at this fucking love connection.

  • You quit Little League after a year, but continue to wear the hat. sideways.
  • You have never been to your campus gym
  • You don't know your natural hair color anymore
  • If facebook wasn't so useful, you'd hate it
  • Your school has a football team? sports? thats a thing?
  • Stoops are the perfect place to take pictures that you convert to black and white on your mac
  • You have headphones that are so heavy they stunted your growth
  • you take adderall for fun
  • A shitty apartment in Brooklyn is your dream home
  • You wear plastic shades
  • Passion Pit is too popular for you
  • What the fuck is a Dell?
  • Your belt gives off a stronger reflection than a solar panel
  • "Shows" are your "scene"
  • You wear two pairs of leggings at the same time (girls....wait no both)
  • You've been using the same razor since you started shaving...and people are starting to notice
  • You have a communist flag in your room
  • Your cellphone is older than miley cyrus and the only reason why the battery doesn't fall out is because its  up with construction tape
  • Who is Miley Cyrus?
  • "Emo" was sooo two years ago
  • Your beanie baby collection is 250 and going strong
  • None of your listeners have ever heard of 90% of the songs on your radio show
  • You have a thing for Dr. Seuss Books. And Toy Story 
  • You are in a band, but don't have a drummer
  • You have a degree from a small liberal arts school. in painting. 
  • You are more "edgy" than everyone else. deck. 
  • Holden Caufield is your idol
  • Animal Collective. Enough said.
  • You wear "legends of the hidden temple" shirts
  • postmodernism (PoMo), fetishism, metrosexualism, IwearScarvesIsm
  • You like bands with name like this! and that! and this?
  • You once knew a republican

And in true fashion, i present the song of the day:

Twenty Two: Wakey!Wakey!

Plant or shine, Poso

(random hipster vocab)

***This post was inspired by "Look at this fucking hipster" http://www.latfh.com/ and "Hipster puppies"
http://hipsterpuppies.tumblr.com/....Though they'd probably be pissed if I gave them any recognition. Someone might notice them....

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