Wednesday, April 21, 2010

Marketing 101

Move along, Move along. 

I was standing on line today to get a cup of coffee. Well, cup probably isn't the best word here. I'd consider it more a giant macro mug of doom. 

It looked a little something like this:

I'm not gonna lie, the baby kind of freaked me out a little bit. But then I realized it was the new promotion. 

Yep. It was buy a large coffee, get a free baby day. 

That kind of got me thinking. Businesses clearly need to wake up and smell the Aromashadu. 

Promotions that clearly should exist:

-Buy an ice cream cone, get a free zoot suit

Its common knowledge that nobody likes Ice cream. In fact, that recent survey that is really official said that 9 out of 10 children (on crack) would prefer zucchini over ice cream. 

Add a zoot suit, and ice cream is suddenly more popular than Aaron Carter for the 5 minutes people cared about him. I want candy. 

Buy a watch, get a free Gilbert Gottfried 

Watches are boring. Plus, they are going out of style faster than razor scooters. 

With Gilbert Gottfried in the mix, the watch instantly becomes more vibrant than Christina Aguilera's many hair styles. Not to mention, who wouldn't want to be reminded of an urgent appointment via a classic "YOU'RE LATE, JAFAR!"

Buy A Lewis Black, Get a Free Mute Button

With the Mute button, many people will be saved from developing deafness, a side-effect of listening to this individuals lethally obnoxious shouting. Apparently, though, his victims are happy that they have become deaf, so that they don't have to hear his god-awful humor anymore. 

Buy a Gun, Get all of the seasons of "Just Shoot Me"

I mean, they asked for it, right?

Buy a Box of Wheaties, Get a free Duke Men's Lacrosse Team

talk about product placement.....

Song of the day:

Savage, Hip Swing

"I think that's all he's really got"



  1. I eat a ton of ice cream so I must have more zoot suits than Max Kiejdan

  2. i feel like i should tell you how much better this made my night in lau