Tuesday, March 2, 2010

are there kids from westchester who don't wear plaid shorts?

I've been told that I ramble when I write. For those of you who don't like it, I apologize.

Well actually, I don't really apologize. First of all, its too late to do that. Second of all, thats my style, and you aren't going to cramp it. because cramps are uncomfortable and nobody likes them. other than that guy you always see running around town everywhere you go. you have actually never seen him doing anything else but running. You know that guy? yea, me too. theres one in every town.

But unlike the Allman brothers band, I was not born a rambling man. consider the following reasons:

-i was not born a man. lets be serious here. everyone knows that the only person that was born a post-pubescent hulkster is vin diesel.
-Rambling is an acquired skill. one is not born with it. its kind of like Jean Claude Van Damme's acting abilities.

were gonna have to fault my assistant for that last reference. he thought jean claude van damme was actually talented. psshh.

**I actually don't have a full-time assistant. I borrowed one for the day from that kid in the business school

Party theory, continued

The way i put it there, it sounds like a legitimate subject. who knew?

The Ferdinand Magellan: In every sense of the word, this guy is an explorer. In fact, he has circumnavigated the party not once, not twice, but about 50 bagillion times. yes, bagillion.

When at the party, Ferdinand is never in the same place for 30 seconds. Its not really his fault though. because if he stopped to chat about something that was actually meaningful, he wouldn't be able to make his scheduled trip from the dance floor to the kitchen to the beer pong table to the keg to the kitchten to out back to the kitchen to the bathroom to the dance floor back to the kitchen to the beer pong table.
Why is Ferdidand so adamant in his quest to sail to all ends of the party earth? Nobody knows. and thats whats so scary about it. I mean, it would be completely understandable if he didn't know anyone at the party and thus tried to fit in by wandering around aimlessly pretending to find someone he knew. But oddly enough, Ferdinand actually knows most people at there. Yet he downright refuses to hold a conversation of any significance.
consider the typical ferdinand:

Ferdinand (overly joivially. like he hasn't seen you since preschool.): HEY MAN, WHATS GOOD?

Partygoer 1: Ferdinand! The man, the myth, the legend himself. how goes it?

Ferdinand: Not bad, not bad....(pauses, as if to introduce actual substance to the chat).. I'm gonna go check out the back. i'll catch you later bro.

And before partygoer one could say his farewells, ferdinand is long gone.

I don't get it. It'd be one thing if he made it a point to talk to someone else. but he never does. and whats even weirder is that he is always initiating the conversation that he has no interest in having. In many ways, ferdidand is like those girls who obsessively text guys that they don't have any interest in. o well. i guess everyone in the world can't be rational. look at al davis.

So for all you magellan's out there, i have some advice for you. lower the sails. drop the anchor. get your land legs back. because i don't know if you've heard, but they invented this thing called gps.

song of the day:

Jesse McCartney ft. T-Pain: Body Language

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