Tuesday, March 16, 2010

clap once, clap twice

Today we have a guest post.....

clap, dammit. and you better not be doing one of those halfhearted claps that you only do because everyone else is clapping. if you don't clap, you'll look worse than draco malfoy when everyone in the entire great hall but him gave a standing ovation to pay their respects for cedric diggory after voldemort killed him. yea, you'll look that bad. i guarantee it. and i don't even work for mens warehouse. but i did stay at a holiday inn express last night.

hope you got the point. now read the wondrous words of dajustin eisenbandovic. its quite comedic.

Before I begin, I feel it is only proper to pay respects to rapper Young Joc who died today at the age of 27. The apparent cause of death is exhaustion. Sources tell us that Young Joc had recently been growing weary as everywhere he went “it was going down.” His friend who wishes to remain anonymous had this to say: “Yeah I met Joc in the mall and then later in the club a few weeks ago and it was definitely goin down.” Representatives for Mr. Joc are accepting donations in his name to the Relaxation Fund which encourages people to never guarantee that wherever they go “it is indeed going down.”

Judging from watching one episode of their show, I’m guessing school was one place where it was not very difficult to keep up with the Kardashians.

Best Jobs for an Amputee

1) Waitress at IHOP

2) Tester for Gallows

3) Illustrator for Ernest Hemingway’s A Farewell To Arms

Smokey the Bear had the worst slogan. “Only YOU can prevent forest fires.” Well that’s just not true we have fire departments and environmentalists working on these problems everyday. Charging an 8 year old kid watching cartoons with a major environmental conservation effort is downright mean.

Maybe I was the only one paying attention, but did anyone notice the Scooby Doo and Shaggy both ate the same brand of Scooby Snacks? If Scooby Snacks were human food, then Shaggy should probably watch out for PETA because they will probably want to burn down his house for being irresponsible. If they were dog treats then I think they must have been smoking something in that mystery machine.

If you hadn’t heard Sandra Bullock won the Oscar for Best Actress a little over a week ago. I know you were probably thinking “How could this happen?” Well, I wasn’t about to stand by and watch this travesty occur without getting to the bottom of it. So I did some research Wiki-Wiki on Wikipedia. It turns out Sandra Bullock is married to Jesse James. That’s right. Known outlaw and notorious bank robber Jesse James. It is clear that these two conspired to steal the Oscar for Sandra away from much more well deserving candidates. I guess we were all “Blind sided” by that one huh?

Also, things Sandra Bullock may or may not have done…

Shoot JFK from the grassy knoll

Attempt to destroy the island as the Smoke Monster on Lost

Foil Jack Bauer’s attempt to save the president

Kidnap Harrison Ford’s family

Be in the movie Ms. Congeniality 2 Armed and Fabulous

In memory of Willie the greatest dog ever to roam to streets of Boca Raton the puppy of the day is a Wheaten Terrier.


Song of the day


Well done. Well done indeed.

song of the day part 2: you can't always get what you want (Glee cast). riveting stuff.

No comments:

Post a Comment