Saturday, March 6, 2010

Vernal equinox acceleration

sprawling shorelines. incessant partying. beautiful people. no class. no worries.

no, I am not talking about life at the University of Miami.

For many of you, this week will be spent lazily waking up after 1 pm still hungover from the night before, driving 5 minutes to get really cheap burritos while trying to piece together last night, lying on the beach all afternoon while working on your tan that you'll probably lose a week after going back to school, lying on the beach all afternoon pretending to read a book so you could seem somewhat sophisticated even though sophistication has no place in booze beach, mexico- but its ok because you are reading that tucker max book so its not actually a real piece of literature, lying on the beach all afternoon pretending to read said books but instead furtively checking out really attractive college age women that you will never end up talking to, taking a nap, having a mojito with dinner that is actually much stronger than you think it is, checking facebook while uploading some 'sick' photo's, pregaming a little too hard, going to a concert on the beach that is so crowded that you don't even get to see the second-tier rapper* that is performing, drinking some more, trying to hook up with some girl but settling for getting her number, crashing back at that really cheap house you and your buddies somehow managed to corral for the week, ordering 5 pies of pizza**, and passing out somewhere that isn't your bed.

*fat joe
**you are blacked out at this point so you don't realize you charged all the cardboard (i mean pizza) to your credit card until the following morning.


spring break. a time for overly obnoxious and exceedingly classless behavior. all for the unbeatable price of little to no consequence. order now, and well even throw in a sombrero.

welcome to the good life. featuring t pain.

yea, a week defined in terms of a kanye west song does sounds like tons of fun. but to be completely honest, i think you could do better.

Much better.

No, I'm not here to berate all you people who went on MTV spring break and had 'the sickest time ever, man. All i'm saying is that sometimes there is more to life than trying to find words to describe this girl without being disrespectful .

To validate my point, lets examine the life of a typical college kid. For all intended purposes, lets give him a name and a body of work. This way, you could "like totally see where hes coming from."

Blake Davidson is a marketing major and sociology minor from 'the suburbs' New Jersey. Blake's typical week gives it up a little something like this:

Sunday: Blake officially wakes up at 1:19 pm, even though hes been lying around in bed for about 44 minutes now. Because his friends 21st birthday party last night wasn't really as good as he thought it would be, he is not that hungover. After lazily sauntering to the kitchen to make himself some variety of instant breakfast, he'll spend the rest of the day watching sportscenter, spending an unnecessarily long time at the gym, showing up slightly late to the meeting of that one student group he is a part of, and working on a case study with his marketing group at that student center where people go to when they aren't doing serious work.

Monday-Wednesday: Blake will wake up at a time that is way too early for college kids, but way too late for the rest of society. He will attend 5 out of his 6 classes, but only take notes in 2 of them. He will have 4 tall black coffees, but add way too much sugar in one of them so he will have to throw it out halfway. Blake will go to the gym 1.3 times, watching Training Day, make eggs, not do laundry, and stay up really late one night writing a paper/studying for a midterm. He got an A-, which he is happy with because he definitely could have put more effort into it.

Thursday: Because he is done with class rather early, Blake will spend the afternoon jamming with his friends. There is a good chance that Blake smokes weed, so he will probably do that as well. His friend will introduce him to a new song that Blake likes so much he will immediately download it on some illegal file sharing website and proceed to listen to it 27 times within the next three days.

Friday: Party

Saturday: Pregame. attend sports game. take a nap. party.

More or less, Blakes entire life is one big open bar. And now he's gonna go spend an entire week hanging with jose cuervo? I mean, Jose is a good guy, but I think he could get to be too much after a night or two.

So heres what i'm saying. Don't go on that raucous vacation that Will Ferrell would star in if it were turned into a movie. Yea, it would be fun. But if you spend your entire life balling in the fast lane, you won't be able to enjoy the scenery. or the nice breeze.

What you should REALLY be doing over spring break

1. Go on one of those school sponsored trips to New Orleans or Costa Rica to do community service and build houses. Not only is doing something like that internally rewarding, but you will learn things about yourself that you would never have found out otherwise. you will become close friends with people that you never would have met had you lived la vida loca. most importantly, you will be able to give back to those less fortunate. i know that may sound like some automated rhetorical bullshit, but it shouldn't. think about it. you are privileged enough to attend an institution of higher learning. only one out of every one hundred individuals in the entire world have that opportunity. no joke.
at a university, you could do anything from from engaging in groundbreaking scientific research to winning a national championship. in other words, the world is at your fingertips. its your responsibility to extend them.

2. Go home.

yea, i know, all of your friends are either in school or in panama city. yea, i know, your town sucks. yea, i know, spending too much time with them makes you crazier than Tyler Durden.

i have some advice for you. stop crying.

first of all, you're home for a week. second of all, your parents will be completely thrilled that you are home. and being that they are the reason that you have the opportunity to go to school in the first place, you kind of owe them.
plus, you get to sleep in your own bed. and believe it or not, the clocks ticking on that joyride.

i understand that there may be absolutely nothing to do. but that may not be a terrible thing. i mean, your liver would definitely be grateful for the break (that is, if its not already on sick leave). and lets get real for a second. you probably sit around most of the time watching tv anyway, so why not just move to a more comfortable house with a healthier and more abundant food selection?

and if theres really nothing to do, take the car out for a ride, make some cds and blast music. if some 40+ driver stares you down as you pull up next to them at the red light because everyone and their neighbor could hear your pumping stereo, you've done your job.

and if thats not enough-which it will be unless you are harder to impress than that coach who has never compliment anybody on the team ever- you could even try and get ahead on your school work.

yea, i went there.

point is, you have the whole year to put you're hands up while they're playing your song.

take a week to appreciate the lyrics to your life.

song of the day:

Norwegian Recycling: Acoustic Alchemy

PS: if you are a senior in college, you could disregard this post for the most part. you only have two months until the end of the world as you know it. live it up.

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