Hello and welcome to your new featured columnist. The name’s Bond. Eisenbond. Since I am currently entering my toughest week of the semester I decided what better way to procrastinate than become a columnist on the Lance Lance Revolution Blog. With my first column I had a few ideas but no overarching theme so here we go.
1. It’s Mario not Mareio. Our portly Italian friend deserves a correctly pronounced name.
2. Good News and Bad News.
Bad News : You are not the best at Super Smash Bros.
Good News: You had more of a life in sophomore year of high school than at least one other person.
3. Why are rappers so obsessed with the names Lil’ and Young? To name a few there are Lil’ Wayne, Lil’ Scrappy, Lil’ John, Lil’ Flip, Lil’ Kim, Lil’ Mamma, Young Jeezy, Young Joc, Young Buck, and Young Dro.
I am officially starting a new trend of rappers. My new rap name is Elderly, Gigantic Justin.
4. Business School students have less class and less work than you. Get over it. We’re still people too and we have feelings. Please stop calling us the Slytherin House even if He Who Must Not Be Named does enroll in the MSB.
5. Sandra Bullock is just awful. Stop telling me to see the Blind Side.
6. You can’t give yourself a nickname. (This is directed at the Asian kid I know who continually describes himself as Chocolate Thunder)
7. There should be a Jewish Olympics where Jewish athletes are allowed to compete against each other on a level playing field. Grouping us in the normal population is simply unfair and is highly intolerant.
8. If you can only learn one song on the guitar make it Wonderwall by Oasis. If you can learn more songs than all of them should be by Jack Johnson.
9. What was goin on with that cartoon Catdog? First of all it was just two heads and four legs. It couldn’t even go to the bathroom. Someone had to be doing some serious drugs to come up with this crap.
10. There are certain situations where certain lines from classic cartoons must be said. Examples include:
a. Whenever you’re around a baby pooping,
“A baby’s gotta do, what a baby’s gotta do”
b. Whenever a fire alarm goes off, unfathomable
“That’s right. I pulled the fire alarm and I’d do it again too. See!”
c. You have any kind of financial transaction with a woman named Susan, Sue, Susanna, Dr. Seuss, etc.
“You take the money, Susie!”
Similarly to Lance I would like to post a link to encourage your procrastination from work. However, my links will be somewhat different. My first link will always be a song that you like but you are embarrassed to admit. The guy walking past you in the library will therefore be able to call you a girl for listening to Donna Lewis’s “I love you, always forever.” On the plus side you get to listen to Donna Lewis’s “I love you, always forever” which is just a phenomenal song.
Jesse McCartney’s Leavin’
My second link will leave you with the puppy of the day. Because who doesn’t like puppies (except Lance. I know right? Lance doesn’t like cute puppies. What’s wrong with him?)
Enjoy a little Golden Retriever action.