Tuesday, February 2, 2010

Like the rest of the world, I was on facebook yesterday. Among the utterly ridiculous apps, links, status updates, wall posts, and photos that people get tagged in and then untag themselves an hour later because they dont look good and if you put photos that dont make you look absolutely perfect on display no one will be friends with you, there was something that caught my eye.

two things. first you probably want to read that sentence again, because it was probably as coherent as jamarcus russell during an interview. second, i lied about something catching my eye. i mean, if that were to happen i would probably have to take my eyeball out and throw it at you. and since im not that guy from AHH! real monsters!, thats just gross

what i meant to say was that i found something pretty intriguing. in its overly excessive campaign to make a fan page for everything from 'i hate waking up early in the morning,' to 'i purposely space out my steps so i avoid stepping on the cracks in the sidewalks,' facebook has come up with yet another gem. apparently, these days you can become a fan of 'pretending not to see someone when you really do.' nice one, facebook.

if i were that fan page, id start making merchandise. and lots of it jerseys, t shirts, hats, you name it. because you know as well as I that people prescribe to that epidemic even more than Fox news likes the democratic party.*

*if you don't like politics (i dont blame you), that was a joke

anyway, after I saw that my mind started do this thing that people call 'thinking'. I'm not really sure how it works, but i figure its kind of similar to what goes on in a coke vending machine http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YIBvda_Ci9o

so i put in a dollar, pressed F5, and got this:

What to do at Tha Crossroads: a guide to what people do when they unintentionally run into other people in passing (first edition)

The Southwest Airliner: This is perhaps the very last person you wanted to see. Seeing them makes you feel squeamish, uncomfortable, and a perfect candidate for one of those want to get away? commercials
POTENTIAL NOMINEES: The person you drunkenly that you are really embarrassed to have hooked up with last night and you don't even remember their name, the kid who cheated or heavily flirted with your significant other (if you don't kill them first), your ex if things ended badly, your ex if things ended badly and they are already with someone else, the kid that you had to personally reject because they weren't good enough for your sports team or singing group, someone who you were once close with but then shit happened and you now hate each other, or anyone who you feel overwhelmingly and uncontrollably awkward around for any reason whatsoever
WHAT USUALLY GOES DOWN: cold shoulder to the max, on site apparation

The Adam Lambert: Interactions between you and this person are really up in the air. You never know what to do when you see this person, because you never know what they are going to do. Basically, you don't know whether or not to greet them
POTENTIAL NOMINEES: Someone you were once acquainted with that you haven't talked to for at least a few months, someone you met drunkenly at a party last night and possibly made a move on through your excessively long conversation about absolutely nothing, a professor, teacher, or superior who you are not sure if they actually recognize your face, a mutual friend who you may have met once but don't really remember if they know you or not.
WHAT USUALLY GOES DOWN: Just like this dude, you really have no idea what to expect. Perhaps a short and insincere smile followed by a glance in the opposite direction, a quicker than usual head nod, an unnatural sounding 'hey,' either you or the other person whipping out your phone either in actual or pretend text message. all in all, a lot of it depends on which one of you two is the initiator

THE RUBY TUESDAY: When go to this good stuff restaurant, you know you are gonna get a decently good burger for a reasonable price. These are the people who you may not have 5 star relationships with, but have developed a bond based on quality, amity, and of course, handcrafted burgers
POTENTIAL NOMINEES: A fellow member of the organization, society, or team you are a part of, a classmate who you converse with on a semi-regular basis, a mutual friend who you have had more than one interaction with in the presence of that mutual friend, someone you see at the gym so much that your continued path crossing reaches the level where you greet each other, even if you've never had a real conversation with them, someone who lives on your floor in your freshman dorm, but not too close to your room
WHAT USUALLY GOES DOWN: These are the hey whatsup-ers. almost always a smile, head nod, any variation of 'yo.' if your feeling adventurous, you could even throw in a 'hows it going?'

I got a few more for you, but i think well end here because society is making me do other stuff so I probably wont finish. so i'll hit you up with them tomorrow. plus, you'll be forced to read again this way.

song of the day: Toto: Africa

1 comment:

  1. Ruby Tuesday is also known for its excellent appetizers - specifically, the Four-Way Sampler (previously known as the Grand Sampler before their 42nd menu change to attract new customers and/or convince their oversight board they're attracting new customers). The Four-Way Sampler consists of a number of different foods. Despite its suggestive name, the four-way sampler does not involve sex, nor does it involve only four types of food. Rather, it includes food to please everyone: hot wings, fried chicken, southwestern springrolls, and mozzarella sticks (plus celery!). You also get three delectable dipping sauces - of course, this always forces you to figure out which food to leave out of the sauce-dipping ceremony. Tragic, really.

    Possible addition to Tha Crossroads:
    The Alien
    This person generally has a different first-language from you, but you have interacted in some way before. While you both certainly recognize one another, you feel you must be overly nice because the other guy is from Africa or something. You don't know why, but he always gets a huge smile when he sees you - it's as if he can't converse with anyone else confidently.
    POTENTIAL NOMINEES: Anyone from another country other than Am'ER'icka; someone who speaks another language better than English; Borat; anyone whose parents are immigrants, emphasize studying, and therefore make this person seem like they are trying to overcome social anxiety...all the time.
    WHAT USUALLY GOES DOWN: You stop, say hello, and actually have a conversation that neither of you has time for. It's horrible, but both of you have these giant fake smiles on your face and there's no getting out of it. You grin and bear it, cursing foreigners everywhere for their natural awkwardness.