Saturday, February 27, 2010

You B-log with me

sup kidsters.

i've been having this string of really really good days in a row. kind of like the opposite of things lemony snicket writes about.

by the way, thats a pretty cool name. the only problem i forsee with that thrilling title if that he is out on a date or something, and his date thinks that the citrus placed in the water has given it too strong a flavor, he may take it badly when she announces 'this thing is way too lemony'

bad joke. but cut me some slack. i can't hit home runs every time. if i did, i'd be in a matt christopher book. and being that he has two first names, ill pass on that one.

its just a saturday. i asked miley cyrus what she was thinking about, but then she couldn't breathe. It was actually pretty scary. plus, i was the only one in room with her. someone might of thought i murdered her or something.

overall, it could have been a terrible tragedy. luckily though, i called up my good friend dr. jack shephard to remedy the situation. it ended up that she was having an asthma attack and had forgotten her inhaler. what a silly girl.

her best friend leslie thought the whole thing was pretty funny.

Gettin slizzard, part 2: Norman the Doorman

Norman is an interesting phenomenon. in many ways he is like platform 9 and 3 quarters, cause he effectively serves as the gateway between the boringness that is the muggle world and the magically disco superfly party that is raging directly behind that holy entranceway he is guarding so zealously.
If you didn't know norman, you would think that song 'macho macho man' was written about him. sadly, thats not the case. because in real life, norman runs from confrontation faster than guys at sports games turn heads when they see erin andrews. simply put, norman is kind of like wolfgang from hey arnold. he can't run with the 5th graders, so he picks on the helpless 4th grade class.
this explains why norman is not actually in the party. smartly, he assumes a position of unrivaled power so that no matter what, he can never be threatened. Kind of like morgan freeman. why else do you think he always plays the role of God?

*no dissing our boy morgan, but have you ever seen alanis morrissette in dogma? baruch atah adonai to that outstanding acting display.

Norman takes his job more seriously than your lab partner who reads the directions about 15 times, insists on doing the entire operation herself even though you guys are supposed to be working together, relegates you to getting her beakers and what not, and then yells at you if you even try participate in the actual experiment. basically, norman means business. if you're not on the guest list, you may as well throw it away, forget yesterday, and make the great escape from the premises. because insisting on getting in is just bad news. not only will norman not tolerate it, but because he doesn't have enough guts to cause you physical pain, he will stare you down more ferociously than a 10th grade girl chewing gum. and if you know anything about the vigorous, ruthless, and downright scary pace at which 15 year old girls chew gum, you will go to almost any lengths to avoid the doorman deadlock.
For whatever reason, norman actually hates parties. its just not his thing. he'd rather devise elaborate workout schemes which he never completes because he gets too tired, eat beef jerky and drink protein shirts galore, and go to the Adidas store so he could buy one of those warmup jackets that are slightly too small for him so his muscles get some bulge action and will thus be able to justify the fact that hes wearing xxxl sweatpants. Because we all know that the only people that are allowed to wear clothes 5 sizes to big for them are those who could be easily suspected for being on steroids.
Luckily, the door is a better niche fit for norman than the corp* is for the outgoing kid with decently long hair who wears vintage clothing and listens obsessively to phoenix and matt and kim, as the door allows norman to express his psuedo macho-ness in a way that will prevent him from actually doing anything to prove how tough he really is.

*georgetown joke. sorry if you aren't one of the chosen.

song of the day

story of the year: sidewalks

very emo, but good.


  1. what sterotype do you think you are mr. tate

  2. terry tate? tate forcier? i don't get it

  3. youre too late mistah bowah (and obviously terry tate cause baby pain dont phase me)