Wednesday, February 3, 2010

sup ladies and gentlemen. (and hipsters)

i wish i had one of the voice-over dudes for the blog. the guy from lost would probably be the best. he has the perfect combination of deep voice impressiveness and tone levelness. like, he is not too scary. but at the same time, he is intimidating enough for the viewer to realize how crazy last episode was, so that it gets you so much in the mood that when you finish watching this episode you could be all like 'I LOVVEE LOST! SAWYER IS AWESOME!' on your facebook status. you can't ask for better vocal chords. basically, his voice is the opposite of that of the jonas brothers.

anyway, i wish i had that guy on the payroll because he could do the recap like an all star. now i have to get smashmouth to do it. and their fake-sounding british accents could get a little old after awhile.

ok, smashmouth was too busy on the set of MTV's 'where are they now,' so were gonna skip the recap. now that we got that out of the way, lets get jiggy with it. (woo! hahaaa! insert other weird sounding noise will smith makes in between rap verses here)

Part Two of THA CROSSROADS: (read last post to get the full throttle)

THE FONZ: You like this guy, and aren't afraid to show it. However, you may make some weird inside joke-like noises or greeting sounds when you run into this dudester, so be prepared for awkward looks from the peanut gallery. you do not feel threatened by the crowds reaction however because your friendship with the fonz is truly a joy, as it is always exciting to see him. people may not know you two guys are friends, and you may hang out with entirely different group of friends. but because both of you are such cool people, you manage to find time to hang out every once in awhile. plus, he probably inspired you to grow some weird sideburns
POTENTIAL NOMINEES: Anyone that you have a great time hanging around. usually they are very laid back, and aren't afraid to let you know how much they enjoy life. the fonz will use words such as 'dude,' 'man,' 'society,' and 'brohan.' Frequent interaction with the fonz will most likely prompt you to start talking like him because he is just that awesome. obnoxiously dancing at the club is a strong possibility when hanging out with this guy. if your name is robert deniro, your fonz cred wouldn't be too high.
WHAT USUALLY GOES DOWN: An over the top greeting is a must. phrases such as AAAYY, WHOA, are commonplace with the fonz. often an elaborate handshake that is way too elaborate for either of you to not mess up once, and since you made it up drunk, one of you doesn't remember the whole thing. but its all good, because the fonz doesn't really notice.

This next one was inserted by mr. James pickens. lets give him a shout out, well done for being the first featured guest:

The Alien
This person generally has a different first-language from you, but you have interacted in some way before. While you both certainly recognize one another, you feel you must be overly nice because the other guy is from Africa or something. You don't know why, but he always gets a huge smile when he sees you - it's as if he can't converse with anyone else confidently.
POTENTIAL NOMINEES: Anyone from another country other than Am'ER'icka; someone who speaks another language better than English; Borat; anyone whose parents are immigrants, emphasize studying, and therefore make this person seem like they are trying to overcome social anxiety...all the time.
WHAT USUALLY GOES DOWN: You stop, say hello, and actually have a conversation that neither of you has time for. It's horrible, but both of you have these giant fake smiles on your face and there's no getting out of it. You grin and bear it, cursing foreigners everywhere for their natural awkwardness.

not bad at all. now, get ready for the last one. its everyones favorite. other than kelly clarkson's, because all her songs are about breakups.

THE TEAM EDWARD: Your heart melts when you see this person. so much that you donate it to chipotle so they could make some sort of creation out of it. just kidding, I actually find that more digusting than old ladies probably find ke$ha lyrics. anyway, you REALLY like this person. your heart skips a beat everytime you see them. your heart skips a beat when you THINK you see them, but it actually turns out to be someone else. because this person is on your mind constantly. your facial expression changes in some way that shows how excited/how nervous you are to see them. your eyes widen more than creed's arms during that song. if you are currently not dating, you may be nervous because you don't know what to say to them, but then 15 minutes later you are amazed that you had such good conversation.
WHAT USUALLY GOES DOWN: smiles to the max. depending on the situation and stage in your relationship/if it is reciprocal it could be anywhere from a genuine 'hey,' to a 'how are you' to, a 15 minute conversation on the boardwalk even though its 20 degrees, to a hug, to a live filming or a 'he went to jared' commercial.

song of the day: A* Teens: bouncing off the walls

very questionable of my manhood. but i really counldn't care less, as it is a terrific song.

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